Where+I+Stand


 * Where I Stand **


 * I am ** a jumble of juxtapositions. I make lists for everything I do: what to do in the morning, what to eat for breakfast, what to do at work. However, my room (which is very similar to a cave) is littered with cups, stuffed animals, and thousands of knick-knacks. I am not someone who thrives in structure, yet I am not someone who is able to function under heaps of trash and clutter. I need a bit of structure and a whole lot of room for creativity. I am only a fan of depressing and dark poetry. I like to write poems in groups of trilogies and leave them unfinished. I am an avid player of RPGs and often develop addictions to a new series each year. I am Inquisitor Lavallen of Thedas, Hawke (the Champion of Kirkwall), and Warden Cousland of the Grey Wardens. I am a past paladin, rogue, and death knight from World of Warcraft. I am the last Dragonborn--the slayer of Alduin. I am someone who writes fan-fiction (not the gross kind), but the kind that tells a story. I put a part of myself in all my characters. I am a seventeen year old with a personality that loves to develop obsessions. Shopping gives me bloodlust, so I always have to have someone stop me from buying too much. I am in love with the darker side of things. I listen to sad, slow songs, and I love the feeling of rain. Unlike most, I hate sunny days and would prefer it to always be cloudy and stormy. I often try to fix broken things, including people. I never throw anything out: keeping old pictures, cards, and mementos in countless boxes strewn across my room. I am sensitive and prone to feel other people’s pain. I often end up in sticky situations because of it. I am emotional, but I have grown to not be ashamed of it. Passion drives my world--from the bones of my poetry to the foundations of my writing. I am someone who avoids confrontation, but still pulls out shady passive aggressiveness then and there. However, I will never bow to something that is important to me.


 * I like ** the rain. I like the sound of it pouring against my roof when I sleep and the way it leaves teardrops on my window. I like cuddling up in blankets while watching funny movies during thunderstorms. I like playing video games on my PS3 until I fall asleep mid-game on my couch. I like dancing with my smushed-face cat as I sing off key to my favorite love songs. I like having someone in my life who has always had my back, accepts my craziness, and knows me better than I know myself. I like how people exist in pairs, mellowing each other out and complimenting each other in the best ways. I owe my own decline in drama to the other person in my pair. I like believing in soulmates and gushy romance movies. I like being able to escape this world by reading or playing Dragon Age. I am given the chance to live in a world of my own making--filled with fantastic beasts and the ability to be whoever I want. I love to curl up in a chair, grab my sparkling notebook, turn on epic music by Thomas Bergersen and write to my heart's content. I am a caffeine die hard. I drink any type of soda, coffee or tea. I like to close my eyes and let music take my soul to the unimaginable. I am a true adventurer deep in my soul who wants to explore anything enchanted or any magical place when I'm older. For right now though, I am okay with exploring forests with whoever wants to go.

**I am tired of** hearing about hatred. I am tired of people getting shot for no reason, and people taking their anger out on entire groups of people. I am tired of racism and the unnecessary anger that fills many people’s minds. I am tired of adults complaining about millennials ruining the world and how teenagers are too entitled and dumb nowadays. I am tired of people losing faith in the good of humanity. As bad as society gets, as angry as people get, and as cruel as people can be, I will never stop believing that humanity isn't evil. I am tired of people thinking it's lame to be smart and to care about school. I am proud of how hard I work, and it's infuriating that people think smart kids are losers. I am tired of losing friends: watching them slowly trickle out of my life. All I do is sit there and wish I could stop it, but I don't. I am tired of it. I am tired of people’s selfishness especially when parents put their needs and wants in front of their kids. I am tired of watching good people constantly get hurt and seeing the pain in their eyes. I am tired of fake apologies and people thinking that plagiarizing is funny and that cheating doesn't matter. I am tired of people who think love doesn’t exist for teenagers. I am tired of the position teenagers are in--we are expected to act like adults but often treated like children. I am tired of celebrity drama and amazed on how it matters to people more than actual matters at hand. What about the environment? What about sexist attitudes toward both females and males? What about the light punishments many people receive after committing rape? I am tired of things that don't matter and ready to actually try and make a difference.


 * I am in a favor of ** everyone having a chance to be in love. I am in favor of schools supporting LGBT clubs if other clubs are also allowed. I am in favor of equality among all sexes and genders and races. I strongly agree with expressing our thoughts, even if they are wild and unique. I do not like to keep my creativity in a box. I like to have no rules when it comes to art. I think everyone should be respectful of other’s ideas, but that doesn’t mean everyone needs to be friends. I am supportive of the Supreme Court’s decision to qualify videogames as a form of art: giving them the same rights and protections that other forms of art receive. I am in favor of music that makes you feel something: the kind that gives goosebumps and sends chills down the spine. I am in favor of blaring incredibly loud rock music in my ears when I am angry or upset instead of taking it out on those around me. I am in favor of expressing emotions and feelings. I am in favor of both girls and boys being able to cry and feel alone or upset. I am in favor of chill days full of sweatpants, junk food, and movies. I am in favor of following your dreams and doing what you love-- even if other people don't understand.


 * I do not care for ** loud noises, alligators, horror movies about dolls and toys, or mean people. I don’t think there is a need to scream in the hall or purposely slam doors shut and scream in people’s ears. Alligators and crocodiles are one of my biggest fears, ever since I saw a Jaws-like movie featuring a ten foot alligator when I was five years old. I love horror movies, but I will never watch ones about dolls or puppets or any sort of creepy toy. I do not care for those who are mean and cruel even if they “think” they have a good reason. I don’t believe in stooping to a low level just because someone else did. I do not care for those who cannot open their mind to the possibility of others being right. I do not care for teenage slang words which I can ever understand-- I think they sound incredibly dumb. I personally think we should go back to groovy and wicked. I do not care for those who take out their anger on others (even though I do the same thing). I do not care for airbrushed magazines and advertisements telling young girls what they should look like. I do not care for the banning of books or censorship of artwork.


 * I believe ** in magic. I believe in dragons, mermaids, fairies, gryphons, unicorns and other types of mystical beasts. I believe in the beauty of becoming one with a book or a movie or a videogame. I believe in the power of love and friendship. I believe that love can overcome all the hatred, evil, and anger in the world. I believe in soulmates at any age and high school sweethearts. I believe that hard work pays off, and that it's always okay to wish you did better-- even if that means being upset at a 96%. I believe in the one dollar sock bin that Kroger has and that the only way to wear socks is to wear them unmatched. I believe in the freedom of speech and religion. I believe in a deity that is always watching us, always loving us, and always being there for us--I just don’t know what it is exactly. I believe in being prepared for life and thinking through decisions. However, sometimes you just have to listen to your heart and follow your gut even if it's illogical. I believe in following passion. I believe in loving stuffed animals and never letting anything tear them open or hurt them. I believe it's okay to stay a kid for a while. It’s okay to run around adventuring. It’s okay to sleep with a certain stuffed animal or blanket. It’s okay to ask someone to read stories to you. It’s okay to stay young and not grow up too fast. Most importantly, I believe that everything happens for a reason and that even when things seem dark and full of despair, everything will be okay.


 * I stand at the edge of a dark forest. ** I am unable to see the path ahead of me. I see shadows dance through the swaying trees. I hear creatures scuttle through the brush and over brambles. I know that at any point, I could run and hide in the past. The past is safe and comforting, but it’s no life. Straightening up, I know I am not alone. I have memories of friends, family, and all the people who have been in my life with me. Although it is my journey to make, I know I will always have someone there--even if it’s just in spirit. I am a wanderer, a dreamer, a spark of passion and emotion, and I walk into the whispering pines. I know who I am and that’s the hardest part of the entire journey.